Religious Jokes

Doesn't it Say in the Bible that a Merry Heart is Just Like Medicine?

     Yep. Proverbs 15:13 says, "A merry heart makes a cheerful countenance; but by sorrow of the heart the spirit is broken." I hope you enjoy this gaggle of religious hilarity that I have put together for this blog.

     George Carlin, a truly gifted comedian. I like what he says about God always needing money because God doesn't know how to handle money. Hah!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fsPAtLQV2ik

     The first guy's facial expressions makes everything he says even funnier! The comments about religion creating war and religion being about people talking about their imaginary friend 'at length' are great. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iJqw-idOwUc

     I love what this guy says about evolution from a monkey making a far more compelling story.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i-LMpeEmaTk

     OUT-freakin'-STANDING!! Atheism has the power to stop wars. Prayer is trying to help by doing nothing. Atheism is to religion what hair color is to bald. ALL excellent statements.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AIYf14Jcq-o

     Excellent!! Listen to what he says about the argument between God and the Devil and the Devil being the bigger man.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LZJ-_OTvsqo

     Hah! A cosmic Jewish zombie!! Haahhhaha!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FBzCwc2K9oA

     This is so blessedly hilarious I had to watch it several times! Look at the expressions of people as they see Jesus walking on the water to get the ball! The bits with the dead mouse come back to life is priceless as well. By far my favorite is when Jesus goes fishing!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KVugsBipaMA

     This is simply outstanding, Penn. Please, continue to do bits like this on religion and the absurdity of religion.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_qJDd-2tM-A

     I like what Eddie says about the Bible being about Jesus, but Jesus didn't write any of it. Then the apostles all make it look like they were each the closest to Jesus. Listen to what he asks in regards to Cain and Abel getting married...where did the 'mystery bitches' come from. Sweet!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g2iQEn7Xyoo

     Excellent! What constitutes an act of God? HERE is the answer and you'll love it!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GJW4rnN6q84

https://sites.google.com/site/esterlighthorse/

https://sites.google.com/site/esterlighthorse/theopoly

http://www.zazzle.com/theopoly_game_of_the_divine_poster-228221851132138911

https://sites.google.com/site/wiseonecartooncreations/

http://www.zazzle.com/smartytwoshoes/?qs=&dp=0&pg=4#homeProducts

https://sites.google.com/site/murphyslifeelements/home

https://sites.google.com/site/murphyslifeelements/add-a-gallery

http://www.zazzle.com/biblical_myth_periodic_table_of_elements_posters-228084324809883766

Holy Imbeciles and God-Men

Are these Videos Examples of God's Twisted Sense of Humor?

     So, God has this wonderful message of LOVE and MERCY and HOPE and PEACE and FORGIVENESS and SALVATION and THESE ARE THE PEOPLE that have been chosen to convey this divine message?

The absolute BEST money racket ever. Move over MOB cause you've got nothing on Jesus and His disciples. Listen to some of these fringe benefits and you will see why some pick a life with Jesus.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F_TBGRKDPEk

Who can ever forget this? See, Jesus DOES love the ladies of the night. Oh, and Jimmy, let's not go with the false I-am-sooo-sorry-and-Jesus-will-forgive-me bullshit. It simply is not your style.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZY83xQLUQLg

Mend this collar bone? Bones...GO TOGETHER?! WTH? And here I thought Jesus meant something a bit different when He said He could heal a person of anything at all. And what it that stupid version of tongues that this turd is trying real hard to pass off as heavenly babble?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7fXjZpPMmaQ

Look how this douche bag lives. He didn't fall very far, did he? Halelujah! Glory to Jimmy's God...MONEY! Oh, and Jimmy, work on your sales pitch for the CDs and I'll bet you sell a bit more.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eXrJxM5ivhU

This guy is a SUPREME ASSHOLE and he seems to roll in the glory of such. Why didn't that lady on the show bitch-slap the old coot and give him what for just for the stupid shit he loves to let fly?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JXQx2WSV3N4

Peter Popoff reminds me of one of those late-night vacuum salesmen that you can see on television at about three in the morning. Listen to what he says...he'll never be broke another day in his life. That is true, but not for the reasons he wants you to believe. The bastard lives off of the dough the faithfull lambs of the world send him. Then this pulpit bitch was sent packing when his scam was caught, but now is back. Damn.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wx2XayDbBfo

This is simply hilarious. A NUN stealing beer and Four Loko. Wow. WOW.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EvzsymDzth8&playnext=1&list=PLMbbRNkw6Rqq7JtKVRT1zMQ77JvPmYN1f

Another loser posing as a healer when he is simply a lying sinner. Praise Jesus.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6xMKBV3idL4

This guy is smoking some goooood ganja. Thank ya' Geezuz.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Trw1rZr-9zE

Assholes like this deserve each other. Listen to the creepyness of their little professions of love. A challenge in their marriage? Bitch, the guy was screwing another woman!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jPU2D0wU5Iw

Doing laundry in the love of God? What are you smoking?! The thing that is a word that is a thing coming from the word that releases the thing. WHAT? Drinking Draino and living under power lines.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I7e9vnwTjJA

This man is so afraid of homosexuality and lesbianism he makes up some ridiculous shit as proof of his claims. Then he 'amens' himself and asks how dumb can you get. Apparently for him...pretty damn dumb.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_r2wEya-2M0

The next five or ten minutes? So many proponents of the Jesus bug just love to spout how the mighty divine of the universe COULD be back ANY SECOND. Ooh. Scary.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C0LwmlkAV80

Stupid blonde asks man of God questions and he imparts wisdom. Oriental armies marching across a highway? What?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L2NPgQ1Kjvc

Another man of God who should never have been put in a position of power is in trouble. Loser.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IjlqEXCwoOk

There is a reason this guy's name is 'Dollar.' Mr. Dollar, you cannot take credit for a character you do not have. Another loser and another liar.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lCS0YHm_58c

HaahahHHH!!! Hahah!! HAHAHAH!!! GOOD stuff, that Wild Turkey!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CthxEseJkrw

Somebody shout "DOUCHEBAG!"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7b5m824hwJk

Wow. WOW. Your God is SOOOOO powerful you have reason to fear fucking yoga? That is what you get for your steadfast belief in the all powerful? Eff off, you turd bucket.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BhcoBLdM8CQ

Pure creepyness. Seriously. For them to be acting like drunks...bitch, they WERE drunk! Pass that communion wine around for everyone to get another sip of the blood of Christ.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8yb580dkz_o

https://sites.google.com/site/esterlighthorse/

http://realbookofrevelation.blogspot.com/

http://shoon4774-thegreatestlieevertold.blogspot.com/

https://sites.google.com/site/esterlighthorse/theopoly

http://justlivingbyfaith.blogspot.com/

http://spoutgod.blogspot.com/

http://familytreeofthedivine.blogspot.com/

EXTRA! EXTRA! READ ALL ABOUT IT: God will allow anyone into heaven so long as they use their freewill to choose God

Can freewill and predestination be rectified? No, they cannot. Freewill must exist free and clear of any known and set outcome. Now, freewill can exist right along side of knowing a variety of possible outcomes, but the outcome itself must not be set. But that is not the only problem with the idea of predestination.

There is considerable conflict between predestination and the notion that God is just and merciful. If God, who is supposed to be a just, merciful, and loving God, has everybody's life all set and ready to go even before they are born then this God is anything BUT just and merciful and loving...Because what kind of God predestines babies to be born addicted to 

crack or heroin? 

What kind of God predestines thousands of people to die horrible deaths at the grubby paws of a handful of psychopathic religious extremists who decide to jack some passenger airliners and fly them into buildings? How about WWI and WWII, the numerous attempts (and some times successes) of genocide, little kids that die terribly from the cancers that ravage their bodies, or people who are beaten to death because of their sexual preference or the color of their skin?  

 Any religious faith that says God gave man freewill and then stipulated a Believe-This-Way-Or-Die ideology for man to follow is not in any way, shape, or form indicative of a healthy belief system or of freewill. 

Such a belief system does not encourage proper thinking patterns, and neither does it encourage good social interaction by demanding converts go out and try to convert others with horror stories of Armageddon and a very pissed off Jesus.

Go to this link for the true story of Noah's Ark:

http://noahsarkrevealed.blogspot.com/

---

 

You know, the stupidity of religion can be so obvious. Does God really hate the gays and lesbians of humanity? No. This is just something self-righteous, deluded, uber-religious trolls say in a seriously half-assed effort to try to make themselves and their particular set of beliefs look better than all the other beliefs out there. ANY faith or belief system that teaches hate on any level is not worth the time of day nor the problems it creates.

And while those religious folk out there who just love to draw deep lines of separation in the sands of faith hold their signs of hate high above their heads, be sure to remind them of that part of their scriptures that does say that love is patient, kind, everlasting, understanding, and conquers all... because conquering all does include gender. If love really is all of these great things and is such a great power, and it is, then God is also the same way, right?

For the real book of Revelation go to:

http://realbookofrevelation.blogspot.com/

And what does it say in certain scriptures in regards to God and Love? Why, it says that God IS Love. So, follow that line of reasoning and you will see why God cannot possibly hate gays and lesbians, because if Love conquers all, and if God is Love, then guess what? God also conquers all...to include gender. People can try their hardest to try to twist scriptures to fit their hate, but it does not make what they say truth. The Holy Bible is supposed to be a sword of truth, but it isn't. Yet, people still swallow such crap every day.

---

According to many, the Holy Bible is supposed to be the actual Word of God as so related to specific people, prophets, or apostles who were supposedly under the influence of God. And how do people know that the writers of the scriptures were under the direct influence of God? Why, because they say so in the very same text that they supposedly wrotewhile under the influence of God. What do you know...it is the original D.U.I. Deluded Under the Influence. And, people take such as truth.

 
There are very serious problems with this line of reasoning. No outside sources whatsoever are utilized.The writers of the Holy Bible use what they have written as the validating factors for what they have written. Well, isn't that nice? It is truth because we say it is truth. And God forbid if you should question what they say is truth, because then you are being actively poisoned by the Devil.

Keep in mind, if you offer a differing opinion or point of view these very same people will ask you for proof, actual, factual valid proof for what you believe. And they certainly will not take, "Because I hold it to be true," as a valid answer. 

Ask a religious individual how they know Jesus is the Son of God, that God created man, that Jesus died for the sins of all men, that the Immaculate Conception is real, that Jesus walked on water, that Jesus performed amazing miracles, that Jesus rose from the dead, and that in order to not go to hell you have to believe exactly as the Bible says? What answer do they give you? "Because it says so in the Bible, God's own Word and instruction."

However, tell any such individual that you believe in reincarnation, communication with spirits, healing powers, second sight powers, powerful visions and dreams, the use of chants and spells, the study and use of magic through personal understanding of metaphysics, tarot cards...any such thing or anything even remotely related and you will find yourself attacked from every angle on each one of those beliefs. 

And, if you try to tell them that you also have literature/scripture that teaches and speaks of such things as very, VERY real you will find not one shred of truth is allowed or extended to your beliefs or related literature. It will not matter how many ways you try to put it that everything you believe in is in your specific belief's literature. It is your basic 'do as I say and not as I do' bullshit. What that basically translates to is the typical double standard that is practiced and preached the world over.

   

check out:

https://sites.google.com/site/esterlighthorse/deluge-of-disparity-and-debauchery-in-christian-faiths

Imagine if the FDA (Food and Drug Administration) allowed medications onto the market based on that same screwy line of reasoning. It would go something like this: Company 'X' is selling a new drug for depression and it is one hundred percent safe because the people who invented it and who make money off of it say it is safe. No outside testing or studies are used or needed. Anything any other company is selling is not appropriate for consumption no matter what studies have been done.

---

Why do so many people fight over what they believe to be the truth in regards to faith and God and salvation? It is because in many people there is a deep seeded desire to have something others do not have, to have aspecial answer or way of life or belief that makes them better or more correct or more special than the next person or set of beliefs. And maybe it is also an absurd desire to interpret some things as meaning ANYTHING other than what they are really intended to mean.

And the sad part about it is that you will never be able to convince such people of the ridiculousness of their claims. It is something they absolutely must see for themselves. Unfortunately, not only are their heads as far up their asses as they can go, but they have their eyes and minds clamped shut to anything contrary to the relative safety of their deluded, segregated faiths.

The tendency for many individuals or groups to abuse the natural desire of a person to try to understand things of a spiritual nature is an affront to the intellect of man. Now, some people will label such a statement as Devil inspired poison. Whatever, man. What freaking ever. The real poison is the extent of abuse of the ideas of God, religion, faith, and the continued abuse of those who elect to abstain from believing 

such fairy tales as truth.

https://sites.google.com/site/esterlighthorse/

http://www.amazon.com/Turkey-Broth-Spirit-Confessions-ebook/dp/B008FWBYY6/ref=sr_1_6?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1367266307&sr=1-6

https://sites.google.com/site/esterlighthorse/atonement-blood

http://www.amazon.com/Turkey-Broth-Spirit-Said-ebook/dp/B0090NKCJW/ref=sr_1_7?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1367266307&sr=1-7

https://sites.google.com/site/esterlighthorse/what-are-religious-cults

http://www.amazon.com/The-Autopsy-Christianity-Stoops-ebook/dp/B005ES6WRS/ref=sr_1_4?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1367266307&sr=1-4

http://www.amazon.com/Turkey-Broth-Spirit-Theologians-ebook/dp/B004LX0IOK/ref=sr_1_1?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1367266307&sr=1-1

http://www.amazon.com/The-Tenement-Gospel-ebook/dp/B004W0ITIY/ref=sr_1_2?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1367266307&sr=1-2