Friday, May 31, 2013

Pull Up a Chair, Pop a Top, and Have a Good Laugh Listening to Ridiculous Religious Comments

Try the newest book Turkey Broth for the Spirit: Just a Few Questions that questions the Pentateuch of Moses.

Read Ester Lighthorse's newest book today!!

Every Court Needs a Jester:
Here are a Few of Those Interviewing for the Position

     Come fly with faith! Let's fly, let's fly away! If you want to lose that screw that's loose with religion there is a way! It is a tragedy that someone so young has bought into the bullshit of religion. Her first rapture dream? No. No no no. If you are surrounded by people or ideologies that tell you this shit is happening, then will start believing it and dreaming about it. You will come to think that all of the supposed pieces to the friggin' puzzle of some goddamn end-of-all-time event are there. This is not faith. It is delusion of the most dangerous kind.
     I am wondering if this lady smoked or had any alcoholic beverages to drink before having this dream? So, she sees frozen people and hears music and...a beautiful male voice. A beautiful MALE voice? You mean beautiful like Pavarotti or Elton John or Bryan Adams? Also, people have been saying there is no more time since the time of the Transfiguration of Jesus. Even much of what is in the New Testament is indicative of those who contributed to the New Testament thinking that Jesus was right around the corner and THEY were living in the supposed End Times.

     So, Glenda the Good Christian of the North, has a dream during her time of worship that the Wizard of God is due to return and strike America...and America's little dog, too. Make your heart right with God because the nuclear strikes that will rain across America will give you no time to repent. Be very careful that you stay away from idolatry and any sin that takes your heart away from God for any length of time.

     Sooooo...Jesus came to you when you were fourteen and told you to stay pure until further notice? You had to have Jesus tell you something like that in order to follow it? Didn't you just know that such a decision is an overall good thing to do anyways and you sure as hell don't need Jesus to tell you that? Didn't your parents tell you that? What, were you thinking of sleeping around, or something? You make your statement with the tone of one who truly thinks that they are one of the few to do such a thing. You DO know that there are plenty of people in the world who do not sleep around who are not religious, you know this, right?
     It is utterly hilarious how so many religious folk have this stupid idea that they are the only ones in the world with any sense of control over their sexuality. And why are the people in the crowd clapping as if this man's statement that Jesus told him to hold on the sex was such a spectacular statement? Retards.

     Holy shit, this is good stuff! The typical self-absorbed, holier-than-thou Christian who feels compelled to press their absurd beliefs on the world and the people around them. Lovely. The level of self-righteousness of this fellow is just a TAD of an example of why people have issues with the stupidity of religion.

     This guy is an ass. Listen to the questions the girl following him is trying to ask him...questions that he does not answer. Then there is this guy's rude remarks to the people around him. Do you think that Jesus and God would approve of rude comments to people so long as it is in the course of preaching to convert others? This guy apparently thinks so. And why does this deluded preacher keep talking about masturbation? This man is a great example of people behaving poorly and believing they are doing the RIGHT thing since they are talking and preaching about Jesus and God. They can behave however they choose to behave because GOD gives them the authority and the power.

     This is an EXCELLENT example of how pushers of religion take whatever they can, purposely twisting whatever they find into something that is supposedly demonic and dangerous. But these preachers don't stop there. They WANT you to have this gigantic fear inside you so they say that those most often in the path of this danger are...your children. Unfortunately, there are many people are afraid enough to believe this shit. Are you fucking serious? SOMEBODY gave their kid M&Ms and Mountain Dew before the sermon. Aren't Christians superstitious about demon possession, because I would say these kids are GREAT candidates for being demon possessed. You see the kids that were crying? That people would put their kids up to such bullshit is child abuse.

     Well, you know if any clip has Kirk Cameron in it, is bound to be funny, right? God puts tabs on bananas so it doesn't squirt into your face as you peel it? This entire skit has hilarious sexual undertones, especially the part where the banana fits 'perfectly' in his hand and the guy goes on and on how this is some kind of divine providence in the consideration of making things easier for man. Right. God won't stop people from blowing each other up BUT he makes a banana easy to peel. Just like Wilbur the pig in Charlotte's Web was some pig, this here is some God.

     Chuck Norris...well, I have to be honest with you. I was tempted to deduct some of the cool points you have racked up with me over the years but decided not to. I figure that some of the kicks to the head you have no doubt received throughout your career in self-defense arts have knocked out some of your sense. You gotta watch the whole video so you can see the part where the preacher is talking to a guy supposedly possessed by a sex demon...or something similar.

     I hope this guy is receiving some kind of compensation from the military for mental instability. I can't see the military allowing him to join if he had presented with these symptoms when he first signed up, and so I think he has a great case against the military. So, dragging a cross with wheels across the country. I think that Jesus would probably commend him for his creativity in adding the wheels to the cross. Religious genius.

     Okay. This video struck an interesting chord with me being as though when I was a kid and my parents were members of this church that preached virtually everything was from the devil/Satan. My siblings and I were not allowed to watch My Little Pony, Rainbow Bright, Strawberry Shortcake, and a barrage of other cartoons being as though they were considered from the pit of hell. Smurfs were considered particularly bad.

     Every time a Harry Potter book comes out the witches have to HIRE PEOPLE to take the phone calls that come pouring in from kids interested in witchcraft? Buddy, it is high time you STOP drinking the bong water. He says that Harry Potter lies and cheats and breaks all the rules. He says nothing about Harry Potter protecting others, sacrificing himself for others, adhering to a code of honesty and integrity, or anything of the sort. It is a blatant misrepresentation of the character Harry Potter in an effort to advance the ridiculous ideologies of Christianity and its inherent stupidity.

     Listen to this stupid hooker try to defend the hideousness of what was said. Anderson Cooper presses her for an answer until she finally just comes out and says she agrees with what was said. Listen to this deluded bitch try to explain why putting the gays and lesbians behind the electric fences would get rid of such people altogether. Cooper points out that gays and lesbians are born to STRAIGHT parents and this lady reverts to the claim the comments were taken out of context. Bitch, what OTHER way can what was said be taken?
     Then Little Miss Hee-Haw gets pissed when Cooper asks her about the adulterers and people who curse their parents who were put to death in the Bible and whether or not she believes such should apply as well. Right when you think this supposedly God-fearing, loving-Christian woman could not dig herself a bigger hole she gets totally and completely owned by Cooper's comments about the Holocaust. 

     Holy Lord have mercy!! This is great! Contraceptives turn men gay? Contraceptives pollute the heart? WTF? This is so flipping hilarious, if not for the term 'contracepting' which is not even a word. Hah! Excellent! Seriously, it makes you wonder whether or not God and Jesus get together, go and stir up the brains of those who believe in them, and then step away with a happy, "Well, Our work here is done."

     Can StarWars figures be demonic? Pappa Smurf has the face of Stalin and was created to spread Communism? Listen to this windbag says about the 'Force' and being one with it and really really think about this. The asshole says being one with the 'Force' is wicked, evil...yada yada plucka plucka. What does it say in the Bible about being one with God and Jesus, humm? Are they not presented as the 'Force' of everything that is supposed to be life in this universe according to Christianity? Does it not say in the Bible that believers/Children of God must strive to become ONE with God/Jesus? Maybe we should take a little peek.
     Philippians 2:2 says, "...then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and of one mind."
     Ephesians 4:13 says, "...until we all reach unity in the faith and in the knowledge of the Son of God and become mature, attaining to the whole measure of the fullness of Christ."
     Romans 15:6 says, " that with one mind and one voice you may glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ."
     Well. Well well well. Such a wonderful example of the typical institutionalized religious approach of do as I say, not as I do. I think that the 'oneness' presented in the New Testament has been completely and utterly destroyed and nowhere near what it was originally intended to be taken.
     I think that originally 'oneness' was supposed to be about being in harmony with yourself as an individual, being in harmony with your family as a member of that family, being one with your community (to be taken in terms of contributing positively), and being one with the sense of humanity that SHOULD be within each person but that many horrible and hostile people choose to ignore.
     Adding to the insanity of the man speaking in this video is his assertion that Pokemon is based on Japanese demons. Yeah. I know. Pretty fucking stupid. What is even better is when this asshole says that he isn't against everything but only those things that put the souls of children in jeopardy.
     Particularly disturbing is this guy's statement that Harry Potter books should be burned due to their dangerous content that puts people at risk. Hitler and his cronies said the same goddamn thing and held mass book burnings where ANYTHING even remotely contradictory to Hitler and his philosophy was destroyed. I hope people can recognize the stupidity of what this man and many like him are saying, because the world did not make it out of WWII just to go back to that type of behavior. 

     Hahhaaahhha!!!! This lady is apparently so uncomfortable with speaking on sexual issues that she spells out the word 'penis' instead of actually saying it. What the fuck is she talking about in regard to Whitney Houston? She says some of the most fucked-up and random shit I have so far come across on the internet. This bitch needs immediate psychological help.

     This Phelps woman strangely appears androgynous.
     Moving on, did you hear her say something about the Taliban in Iowa? Like many of the mentally inept who claim they are acting on the word of God or by the direct instruction of God this psychotic bitch truly believes her behavior is validated by God and the Bible. Sounds amazingly similar to how the religious extremists of the day strap bombs to their bodies and fly planes into buildings while claiming the one whom they worship instructed them to do so, even giving them full authority to follow through with such atrocities.
     This Phelps woman and all those in her group who think this behavior is okay are in the same boat as terrorists. The degree of their terrorism does vary, but they are still terrorists.

     Holy shit! This has to be in my own top ten most entertaining Christian rants on Youtube today. What...the...fuck? This lady says she is a warrior of God and is taking a stand on 'other-sided' behavior and practices. She is so seriously fucked in the head that words cannot express the critical nature of her psychological condition. 

     You know, maybe the spiritually deluded of the world are needed, right? I mean, they say laughter is the best medicine and you can't help but to laugh at these people and the sheer stupidity of the words that fall from their lips.
     About 4:20 into the video Governor Perry says something along the lines of people in America today needing God's help. God's help? Every time people ask God for His help, and every time God is claimed to have actually given the requested help bad things happen. Every time. Every...fucking...time. Ask God for His help? Fuck that and hell no.

     Only in the Catholic realm will you find people staring at a knot in a tree and claiming to see the Virgin Mary. Sometimes people want to see the miracle so badly that they convince themselves that they 'feel' something emanating from whatever is deemed to be a miracle, as evidenced in the beginning of the video.Then you have the lady who says she doesn't think it is a miracle or anything because let's face it, there is nothing like blood coming from it. What happened to the good old days when a knot in a tree was just a knot in a tree?

     This stupid bitch, this stupid mother fucking bitch is smiling and laughing and thanking God because the people in Japan were struck by a lethal tsunami. Listen here you dumb twat, listen to what you are saying. You are trying to convert people to your deluded faith by praying that this God of yours hurt those who believe differently than you. Fuck you. Fuck your Bible. Fuck your God.
     People like you are the ones that our government has in mind when considering to take away the right to bear arms. You and people like you WANT people to hurt, WANT people maimed, WANT war and mayhem, and WANT people killed if you think it will help sew the seeds of your poisonous faith. You are NO DIFFERENT from the extremists in the Middle East that celebrate and shout praises to Allah whenever something bad happens to the United States or its citizens. Fuck you and the religious horse you rode in on.

     So many Christians who are against gays and lesbians conjure up strange diseases and maladies and behaviors that are supposedly suffered almost exclusively by...gays and lesbians. And of course there are more claims of Harry Potter being evil and detrimental to children. One of the more intriguing portions of this video is when Bush says that the God (Allah) that the terrorists pray to is a false God because they take innocent lives. And Christianity does NOT? What about the children shown in this video as they cry and sway and hold their hands up to be closer to God? What effect is this stupidity having on their minds?

     What in the hell is wrong with you people? And so many Christians wonder why there are so many people who are so aggravated by religion? For Christ's sake you stupid assholes are teaching your children about segregation and stereotypes and rejection of those different than you! What the fuck do you think is gonna happen when you do shit like that? And the Christian message is supposed to be one of love?

     The guy in the beginning of this video drones on about how you can tell what kind of music a person listens to just by looking at their clothing. Interesting. Likewise, you can tell who is a prejudiced, socially subversive, spiritually elitist, cocky, holier-than-thou asshole just by knowing what God they worship.

     Holy shit this is so freaking funny! Moses fought the ROMANS? Moses used his powers against the ROMANS? Looks like SOMEBODY did not pay very close attention to the place in time of the ancient Romans in history as opposed to when Moses is thought to have existed. This guy goes on to give a completely incorrect definition of witchcraft. He says witchcraft misleads people into believing that they have powers and can do things like raise the dead. Two things here: firstly, you are confused about what witches do, buddy. Secondly, you ARE aware that Jesus raised people from the dead, right? And you say that witchcraft is all smoke and mirrors. Okay. Do you mean like smoke and mirrors of Christianity? Can you offer one shred, one tidbit of definitive proof that your Bible and your faith is any more real than witchcraft?

     So Ms. Thang here decides that her career hasn't slowed down enough and she takes immediate measures to absolutely murder what is left of her celebrity and career. 

     Another rant by a Christian who believes Harry Potter is evil and a danger to children. Warlocks are enemies of God.  The lady adds that had Harry Potter occurred in the Old Testament he would have been put to death. Disturbing. So goddamn disturbing. Even more disturbing are the 'amens' that can be heard in response to this ignorant ass' statements. Look at the expressions on the faces of the children this lady is talking to. This is not how anyone should be speaking to children, filling them with fear for things and people that do not exist. This is not in any way, shape, or form helpful to children. Not at all.

     Haahaa!! HHahaa! Listen to this moron's comment, "He reads the Quran!" So? As if reading the Bible or any set of scriptures from a violent religion would be any better. Then this intellectually challenged woman says that Obama's father was a Muslim-Atheist-Communist. 

     This is wonderful. Seriously! This lady is talking about the behavior of Christians and then begins to go absolutely ape-shit. Then she threatens to call the police, yells at the guy talking to her when he informs her she is about to get kicked out of the store, offers a few disjointed statements that have no meaning in particular, and invokes the power of Jesus as she says something about people from Mexico bothering her. I find it so interesting that when some Christians are preaching and are approached and asked to stop they go nuts, seemingly having great difficulty in comprehending that people just don't want to hear their shit.

     This man does not realize his argument is only halfway correct. Atheism COULD be considered a religion IF and ONLY IF presented in a manner similar to Christianity where you go out and convert people to atheism and try to enact rules and statutes and policies on atheism. However, this man incorrectly applies that here as President Obama is NOT endorsing atheism but rather is making a point that political endeavors should have nothing to do with religion whatsoever. He is NOT saying that religion should not be in politics because he does not believe in God or because he thinks Christianity is false or against his own spiritual opinions. Nope. The president is merely acting on the ideology of separation of church and state. The asshole here apparently has his head so far up Jesus' ass that he cannot see and understand what Obama means.

     Totally AWESOME!! This asshole punks himself by bringing the wrong goddamn notes. He fails to see that refusing gays and lesbians the right to marry is NOT his right. He further misunderstands and misinterprets allowing gays and lesbians the right to marry as a revocation of his own rights. His definition of marriage is a religious definition and has no place in politics. His religious faith, no matter how deep and true he thinks it is does NOT now nor should it ever allow him the jurisdiction to define private relationships.

     Pastor Sean Harris from North Carolina advocates child abuse if parents suspect their sons are gay. Only in North Carolina. Tell you what, when there is a parent in your congregation who does as you recommend and ends up in jail...I HOPE they put your pansy ass there, too for even suggesting such a terrible thing in the first place.

     Oh look, another mother fucker from North Carolina advocating violence against the people they hate.

     What the fuck is wrong with people? Why do the religious think that morality can be found in religion? There is no morality in ideologies that teach subjugation and segregation and maltreatment of individuals who think and live and love differently.

     The government should kill gays and lesbians? Again, this is another example of why the government has listed evangelical and extremist Christians as a danger. Are all Christians dangerous? Of course not. But, unless the Christians who are NOT dangerous stand up and tell the dangerous Christians to shut up and stop fucking things up for everyone there are going to be problems with the rights of all citizens being stunted by the ravings of fundamentalists who think they are right and everyone else is wrong.

     How sweet. Another Christian who misinterprets the push for equality as a reduction in their rights and religious freedoms. So goddamn stupid. The push for equality is not saying you cannot be Christian, but it IS saying that as a Christian you are NOT entitled to treat people who believe differently than you do in a manner that is unethical, unlawful, and absolutely wrong.
     Oh, but the uber-religious right would have its supports believe that reinstating rights to individuals who never should have had the rights denied them in the first place is a revocation of the rights of Christians.

Saturday, May 25, 2013

What is Acceptable Behavior for Christians?

Divine Privilege and the Perks of Wholly Holy Hypocrisy
By: God the Self-Righteous

The just live by faith. That is what Martin Luther, founder of the Lutheran Church would have you believe. What does such a screwy statement mean anyways? The just live by faith? It’s like saying the steak will cook by itself. Never mind that this was Luther’s own personal interpretation of the Holy Bible, but whose version and interpretation of the Holy Bible is correct? 

There are simply far too many versions of what is considered the ’truth’ and far too many opinions of what path an individual must pursue in order to cement their eternal salvation with Jesus Christ the Savior. Since you humans can’t seem to come up with a proper interpretation of salvation in plain language without distorting my original meaning I will explain it again, without any ’verily’ or similar crapola that you love to misinterpret.

First and foremost, the main issue here is salvation. For those of you who do not understand or know what salvation entails I will give you the most simple and easy to understand explanation. Bluntly put, salvation means that instead of going to hell in a hand-basket like the majority of humanity no doubt will your soul will be re-united with Jesus up in Heaven.

It is absolutely, one hundred percent imperative that everyone understands that salvation is for believers only. However, it is not just for any old believers, but for Christian believers. As a further however it is not any old or ordinary Christian believers who will become neighbors of Jesus Christ up in Heaven. Only those Christian believers who very strictly follow the Word of God are saved and sent to Heaven. It is at this juncture that it must be understood that actual salvation will vary from denomination to denomination, being wholly dependent on a particular church group’s dogmatic interpretation of the Bible.

A key issue that a majority of Christian denominations focus on in addition to salvation is the behavior of an individual who believes in Jesus Christ the Savior. Allow me to be as frank with you as possible, and at the same time understand that my descriptions and explanations are in no way, shape, or form intended to offend anyone. Now, you may be the most polite person in the world. You may be a citizen who devotes every waking moment of their life to helping everyone around them with whatever it is they need. 

You may even be someone like Mother Theresa or Mother Theresa herself. I really don’t care and it doesn't really matter, because if you do not believe the acceptable version of the Holy Bible and the acceptable truth about salvation, if you do not believe in the acceptable version of the Gospel, if you are not up to date on what it is exactly you are supposed to believe in…guess what? You’re screwed. Your pansy little ass is going to hell; so dress for warm weather.

Anyone out there in the world, in reality (or whatever it is you wish to call your limited existence) who does not believe in the precise and required manner is going to burn in hell…forever. This will be the case with everyone no matter how well they behave or how good they are as individual people. The Lake of Fire is not a joke! The Holy Bible of God’s Word, mind you I mean only the qualified interpretation of the Holy Bible, is very specific in labeling the Lake of Fire as a real place, a real threat and not a joke.

Now, on to discussing being a real, actual, valid, and true believer of Jesus Christ the Savior. Always keep in mind that I am referring to qualified believers only when I say ‘believer’. If you are a qualified believer you are forgiven of your sins no matter what. Interestingly enough, you may not think so and the society you live in may not think so, but the fact remains that criminals who convert are forgiven. This is absolute and all encompassing no matter the criminal or his or her committed crime. 

Jesus Christ the Savior absolutely loves criminals who convert. Thieves, thugs of all types, murderers, and drug addicts are forgiven since they understandably have no control over their own lives with either drugs or stupidity at the helm of their existence. It is the duty and responsibility for all believers to pray for criminals who convert. Think of it this way: The harder the drug and the crime, the harder the believer should pray for the converted criminals whom, unbeknownst to many, Jesus Christ the Savior privately refers to as, “My little penitentiary lambs.”

It is essential to know that salvation is permanent and eternal. If you do not believe this then I suggest you find the verse in the Holy Bible (the acceptable version) that states once you are in the Father’s hands, you are always in the Father’s hands; no one can snatch you out. Not even you can snatch yourself out of the Father’s hands. It is equally essential for all true believers to understand that a shift in belief from a qualified Christian ideology to anything even remotely contradictory to the same automatically revokes existing salvation in it’s entirety. 

In addition, any change in belief in the one, true, male God immediately revokes salvation. Other actions that will result in immediate loss of salvation include, but are not limited to: homosexuality or lesbianism, pre-marital sexual relations, communication with non-qualified believer individuals to include family members and friends, failure to accept the interpretation of the acceptable version of the Holy Bible as so stated by a qualified believer preacher or priest or religious leader, failure to conform to current and acceptable norms inasmuch as qualified Christian believer behavior is concerned, and any conceivable practice of witchcraft, wizardry, magic of any type, tarot cards, tea leaf precognitive practices, and any and all types of occult actions.

When associating with individuals who are qualified believers it is important to devise and organize sufficient game plans for interacting with individuals who are not qualified believers. Whether or not you anticipate your interaction with a non-believer to be on your own it is of the utmost importance to practice your interaction tactics. First, you must practice picking on and berating non-believers. You must always start with the most obvious subject which is the lifestyle of the individual you are picking on. Like a cat that finally corners it’s rodent quarry you must pounce on every conceivable issue. If your quarry wears designer clothing, hairstyles, or make-up be certain to harass them with such comments as, “Oh, so spending money on how you look on the outside is more important than tithing the Heavenly Father?” 

Witty and snide remarks such as, “Where did you get your coat of many colors? Bloomingdales?” are equally acceptable. If at all possible infuse your comments with actual biblical text such as, “So, that fact that God clothes even the lilies of the valley is not enough for you? You feel the need to put aside His provisions in exchange of worldly goods?” The validity and sense of your remarks really makes no difference so long as you keep in mind that the sole purpose of even making the comments in the first place is to cut down, demean, berate, harass, destroy, pick on, and aggravate any non-believer at anytime and anyplace. This is your qualified believer’s duty.

Once you have pissed-off a non-believer to the point where you have their full attention you must turn up the heat. Be firm in your knowledge and cite very loudly that the non-believer is going to hell. Be vicious in your attack and tell the individual that everything they are doing in their life is wrong. Always pick heavily on personal flaws and downplay any positive character traits to include philanthropy, education status, good parenting, and any positive motivations and actions be they social, personal, or otherwise. Be quick and surly in informing your quarry of their mental and spiritual inefficiencies and shortcomings. 

The angrier the non-believer you are picking on becomes the more self-righteous you should be. Ask the non-believer why they think they have nothing to defend or worry about? When they make an attempt to answer your question be sure to talk over them and drown them out by loudly touting, “God doesn't take excuses. He takes souls.” The non-believer before you should be quite close to fever pitch anger at this point of the conversation. Now you must move in for the kill.

Say to the non-believer, “Obviously you know you are doing something wrong, otherwise you wouldn't be so defensive and angry!” When the believer counters with, “I didn't ask to hear your bullshit in the first place!” be sure to say, “Hey, you either are or aren't saved and going to Heaven. If you really want to go to hell that badly, knock yourself out.” As you turn away from the non-believer be sure to say in your most sincere voice, “I will pray for you. I will pray that you see the light and love of God before it is too late.” Usually your final comment will be more than enough to drive the non-believer reeling into a fit of anger-driven hysteria.

Ordinarily, many victims of the self-righteous qualified believers state that the only reason qualified believers pick on the people around them is because anyone who believes differently is considered to be a spiritual risk and lethal to the souls of humanity. The truth of the matter and the truth of what the non-believer has to say makes no difference whatsoever. 

Great care must be taken to ignore the non-believer’s response, for once a qualified believer allows their conscience to care for the truth they are immediately drawn into the age-old, non-believer argument of whether or not the so-called validity of Christianity is actually divine, spiritual, and inspired truth. If not, doesn't that automatically invalidate the totality of the proclaimed truth of Christianity that all qualified believers claim? Once you, oh qualified believer, are drawn down and sucked into this argument, regardless of any modicum of truth within it, you might as well put your face between your ass-cheeks and kiss your soul and eternal salvation good-bye.

It is in closing that the greatest danger to every qualified believer is revealed: Devil created loneliness. All qualified believers must be made highly aware that the Devil is just as tricky now as he was the day a secret religious council dreamed him up eons ago. 

Loneliness is one of the most terrible and horrid social diseases to suffer from. Interestingly enough, loneliness is at the top of the Devil’s list as a means by which to separate the qualified believer from their eternal destiny with Jesus Christ the Savior. The Devil is sure to inundate the qualified believer with a deluge of loneliness via means of separation and alienation from friends, family members, and pretty much the rest of normally functioning society. 

It is therefore up to the dedicated and qualified believer to remain true to Jesus Christ the Savior and not forsake the Word of God. Finding a way to weather a lonely, emotionally devoid life of religious smugness is not an easy task by any means. However, if a qualified believer sticks to his or her guns of spiritual superiority they will find that God will lead them by the hand through the bleakness of their empty and deserted lives. Amen.

Religious Jokes

Doesn't it Say in the Bible that a Merry Heart is Just Like Medicine?

     Yep. Proverbs 15:13 says, "A merry heart makes a cheerful countenance; but by sorrow of the heart the spirit is broken." I hope you enjoy this gaggle of religious hilarity that I have put together for this blog.
     George Carlin, a truly gifted comedian. I like what he says about God always needing money because God doesn't know how to handle money. Hah!

     The first guy's facial expressions makes everything he says even funnier! The comments about religion creating war and religion being about people talking about their imaginary friend 'at length' are great. 

     I love what this guy says about evolution from a monkey making a far more compelling story.

     OUT-freakin'-STANDING!! Atheism has the power to stop wars. Prayer is trying to help by doing nothing. Atheism is to religion what hair color is to bald. ALL excellent statements.

     Excellent!! Listen to what he says about the argument between God and the Devil and the Devil being the bigger man.

     Hah! A cosmic Jewish zombie!! Haahhhaha!!

     This is so blessedly hilarious I had to watch it several times! Look at the expressions of people as they see Jesus walking on the water to get the ball! The bits with the dead mouse come back to life is priceless as well. By far my favorite is when Jesus goes fishing!

     This is simply outstanding, Penn. Please, continue to do bits like this on religion and the absurdity of religion.

     I like what Eddie says about the Bible being about Jesus, but Jesus didn't write any of it. Then the apostles all make it look like they were each the closest to Jesus. Listen to what he asks in regards to Cain and Abel getting married...where did the 'mystery bitches' come from. Sweet!!!

     Excellent! What constitutes an act of God? HERE is the answer and you'll love it!

Pat Robertson...AGAIN

Son of God or Son of a Bitch?

     Stop talking about the cheating man? He is a man so such behavior is to be expected? Doesn't the cheating man provide a home and food? Males have a tendency to wander so what a wife needs to do is make the home so wonderful that the man will not wander?

     I want you to listen closely to what Pat says in response to a 17 year-old young man's question on how to help fix his parents' marriage. Pat starts off pretty good and offers what is sound and reasonable advice. It does not take very long for the brain connected to Pat's mouth to begin offering what is in all reality super fucked up comments. 
     Now, if the question by the young man is in fact a real question sent in and not some kind of stupid religious skit Pat should be utterly ashamed of himself (although we know he won't be). The young man obviously loves his parents and cares deeply for the relationship between his parents, and he is asking Pat for advice to make things better...not pointers on how to stir the pot in the relationship.
     The hope that is implied in the young man's question that Pat can help is completely smashed by Pat's out-of-this-world stupid comments. Pat, you have created an entirely new level of stupidity and disrespect.

     Soooo, apparently Pat has made a connection between a lack of education and the ability to witness miracles. The problem, according to Pat, is that education gets in the way of people seeing miracles for what they are...miracles. He is more or less saying that stupid people are the ones who can see miracles.

     The comments Pat makes here are so utterly fucked up that you gotta wonder why the lambs of the world follow this mother fucker in the first place.

     Pat is a fine example of how jackass former vice-president Dan Quayle will behave and sound like in about another two decades. So, here Pat says that Islam drives its believers to kill and maim and destroy. Oh, and he said it was demonic as well.
     This comment is one of the best examples of Christians and representatives of Christianity conveniently forgetting how their faith also drives believers to kill and maim and destroy. 

     Pat Robertson solidifies his place in the stupid bigot hall of fame by advising a Christian young man to leave his Muslim girlfriend as she is not likely to convert to Christianity. Pat, you sir are fucked in the head.

     Hummm...Pat seems to be struggling with the idea that men are not the only sex that watches porn.

     So, Dungeons and Dragons is a game that is demonic and destroys lives? You know Pat, considering the behaviors and dogmas of many in your brand of faith the very same thing could be said of Christianity. It too is demonic as it possesses many of its followers to intentionally act horribly. Not only that, but human history is very matter-of-fact in providing example after example of Christianity destroying lives.

     Haaahahahhaaa!!!!!! Pat has now completed his very own circle of stupidity. 

Thursday, May 16, 2013

The Pot and the Kettle

Kiss My Ass

     I write loads of screwy stuff when it comes to religion. While doing this I make regular and heavy use of foul language (shit, fuck, damn... etc), badger and pick at those representatives of religion (especially televangelists) who are nothing more than charlatans hiding in the tapestry of delusions in faith, and often take what is in the Holy Bible and purposely twist that shit until those who live by such scream or even threaten me. Whatever, right?

     If Christians don't like what I write I could care less. Every now and then some kind hearted Christian sends me a request to die saying I deserve nothing but death and damnation for not only the things I say but also for my re-write of the New Testament. I must say that re-writing that silly book (I called mine The Tenement Gospel) was quite cathartic and deliciously fun. I have each of the four gospels ending differently and each one is loaded with drug use, screwy behavior by Jesus and the disciples and more.

     Those who loudly tout that Jesus and the Bible and Christianity (or any other religion for that matter) are the answer to all of man's ill are blinded by the supposed power that they are constantly being told that their faith gives them. With this delusion of power many Christians feel the urge to inform the rest of the heathen world that they will burn in hell for various offenses, namely refusing to believe in God and the Bible. These people will harass and prod and poke anyone they feel stands in the way of their powerful God and their powerful religion.

    They do not realize they stand on a two way street, and contrary to their belief of heaven being at one end of the street and hell being at the other it is instead living in fear at one end and living free of the fetters of stupidity at the other. Many Christians and representatives of Christianity shred anything or anyone different from themselves but cannot take the same being done to them. The moment the tables are turned and an atheist or anyone else speaks out against Christianity and the Bible legions of believers jump on soap boxes and claim their rights are being abridged. Fuck that. If Christians and Christianity as a whole cannot take what they dish then they best shut the fuck up.

     Maybe some people would rather tune out Christianity and its slaves and leave it at that. I think that is perfectly okay. But then you have people like me who get so goddamn irritated at the self-righteous judgments that we just have to say something...and we usually don't hold back. I know I don't. 

     The Christians say that their right to practice freedom of religion is being imposed upon. Well isn't that the pot calling the kettle black? Christianity is what imposes on MY rights and MY right to NOT choose a religion or hateful God if I so choose. I have a freedom FROM religion just as they have a freedom TO religion.

     Christians continue to misinterpret the freedom of religion for the right to subdue other facets of society and culture with prejudiced religious practices that have no place in a free society. By saying that I mean that it is perfectly fine for them to practice the religion of their little deluded Bible, but not fine to apply such bullshit to the people and society around them who do not wish to participate.

     I am tired of listening to the absurd interpretations of the Holy Bible and the supposed claims of who God would and would not love according to what or how or who an individual loves, how everything happening in the world is a sign of the End Times, how this person or that person is sure to be the Anti-Christ. I am tired of their shit, so you know what? I am dishing out to them a little of what they dish out to those who have no desire to be led by the spiritual nose.

     The Bible and Christianity is rife with stupid stories and claims and assertions that make no fucking sense, and when you point that out it is always chalked up to the 'mysterious ways' of God. Whatever. If Christianity and its participants want to dish out their poisonous spiritual wares on mankind, fine. I will tell them now if they don't already know...I am going to dish that shit right back at them as fast as I can in SPADES. 

     You don't like what I write about God and Jesus? Kiss my ass. You don't like my assertion that the Bible is a fucking fairy tale? Kiss my ass. You don't like the lunatic re-write of the New Testament called 'The Tenement Gospel?' Kiss my ass. You don't like atheists or anyone else standing up and shouting to the world that Christianity and religion in general is the greatest disease man has ever known? Kiss my ass.

     On behalf of all the atheists and others who refuse to be devoured by the hate and ludicrous nature of the Holy Bible and all religions spawned from such and all religions that are similar...kiss our asses.

     If you want to dish out what your pansy religion says to dish out on everyone else NOW would be a good time to realize you too are on a receiving end.

Thursday, May 9, 2013

Jesus is One Funny Guy!

Now You Know for Sure God Does Have a Sense of Humor

I like the bit in this clip when Pastor Joel Osteen asks whether Jesus was black of white when He said, "Buenos dias." Good stuff!

It's Richard Pryor! You gotta love this guy. No one could pull this off like this guy does.

This was truly a creative remake of the hit song. I like the part where they ask, "Hey, wasn't that Tim Tebow?"

Delicious fun!!


Isn't this the truth of how many steeped in religion approach science?  You would think that the power of the most supreme being ever could overcome such. Whatever. I suppose the Almighty must have limits as well, even if those limits do happen to be actual science. He didn't think this stuff through real well when He invented it all, did He?


His invisibleness? Hah!!

You know, the pretty little myths of the Bible simply make no sense whatsoever. This little cartoon is an excellent example of why a story such as the Flood of Noah is pointless and stupid.

This is a mighty fine example of one of the worst arguments the religiously deluded repeatedly attempt to try to use in an effort to make sense of their nonsense mutterings and scriptures.

This is one of the most bad ass, hilarious stories EVER!!!

That's right, answer these questions with real answers and none of that pretend crap. And no circular reasoning either. On, and none of that because the Bible says so bullshit. Give a real answer that offers true validation of whatever screwy story it is that you are trying to prove.


Oh dear LORD!! HAAh!!!!

That is absolutely correct, folks. Noah and his pretty little ark never freaking existed except in the delusional mind of the individual who made up such a retarded story in order to explain their version of God. I also thought it funny that the sons of God found the human females so becoming. Did God neglect to make adequate mates for them and maybe that is why they thought the human ladies so hot?

Wednesday, May 8, 2013

Holy Imbeciles and God-Men

Are these Videos Examples of God's Twisted Sense of Humor?

     So, God has this wonderful message of LOVE and MERCY and HOPE and PEACE and FORGIVENESS and SALVATION and THESE ARE THE PEOPLE that have been chosen to convey this divine message?

The absolute BEST money racket ever. Move over MOB cause you've got nothing on Jesus and His disciples. Listen to some of these fringe benefits and you will see why some pick a life with Jesus.

Who can ever forget this? See, Jesus DOES love the ladies of the night. Oh, and Jimmy, let's not go with the false I-am-sooo-sorry-and-Jesus-will-forgive-me bullshit. It simply is not your style.

Mend this collar bone? Bones...GO TOGETHER?! WTH? And here I thought Jesus meant something a bit different when He said He could heal a person of anything at all. And what it that stupid version of tongues that this turd is trying real hard to pass off as heavenly babble?

Look how this douche bag lives. He didn't fall very far, did he? Halelujah! Glory to Jimmy's God...MONEY! Oh, and Jimmy, work on your sales pitch for the CDs and I'll bet you sell a bit more.

This guy is a SUPREME ASSHOLE and he seems to roll in the glory of such. Why didn't that lady on the show bitch-slap the old coot and give him what for just for the stupid shit he loves to let fly?

Peter Popoff reminds me of one of those late-night vacuum salesmen that you can see on television at about three in the morning. Listen to what he says...he'll never be broke another day in his life. That is true, but not for the reasons he wants you to believe. The bastard lives off of the dough the faithfull lambs of the world send him. Then this pulpit bitch was sent packing when his scam was caught, but now is back. Damn.

This is simply hilarious. A NUN stealing beer and Four Loko. Wow. WOW.

Another loser posing as a healer when he is simply a lying sinner. Praise Jesus.

This guy is smoking some goooood ganja. Thank ya' Geezuz.

Assholes like this deserve each other. Listen to the creepyness of their little professions of love. A challenge in their marriage? Bitch, the guy was screwing another woman!

Doing laundry in the love of God? What are you smoking?! The thing that is a word that is a thing coming from the word that releases the thing. WHAT? Drinking Draino and living under power lines.

This man is so afraid of homosexuality and lesbianism he makes up some ridiculous shit as proof of his claims. Then he 'amens' himself and asks how dumb can you get. Apparently for him...pretty damn dumb.

The next five or ten minutes? So many proponents of the Jesus bug just love to spout how the mighty divine of the universe COULD be back ANY SECOND. Ooh. Scary.

Stupid blonde asks man of God questions and he imparts wisdom. Oriental armies marching across a highway? What?

Another man of God who should never have been put in a position of power is in trouble. Loser.

There is a reason this guy's name is 'Dollar.' Mr. Dollar, you cannot take credit for a character you do not have. Another loser and another liar.

HaahahHHH!!! Hahah!! HAHAHAH!!! GOOD stuff, that Wild Turkey!

Somebody shout "DOUCHEBAG!"

Wow. WOW. Your God is SOOOOO powerful you have reason to fear fucking yoga? That is what you get for your steadfast belief in the all powerful? Eff off, you turd bucket.

Pure creepyness. Seriously. For them to be acting like drunks...bitch, they WERE drunk! Pass that communion wine around for everyone to get another sip of the blood of Christ.