Friday, May 31, 2013

Pull Up a Chair, Pop a Top, and Have a Good Laugh Listening to Ridiculous Religious Comments

Try the newest book Turkey Broth for the Spirit: Just a Few Questions that questions the Pentateuch of Moses.

Read Ester Lighthorse's newest book today!!

Every Court Needs a Jester:
Here are a Few of Those Interviewing for the Position

     Come fly with faith! Let's fly, let's fly away! If you want to lose that screw that's loose with religion there is a way! It is a tragedy that someone so young has bought into the bullshit of religion. Her first rapture dream? No. No no no. If you are surrounded by people or ideologies that tell you this shit is happening, then will start believing it and dreaming about it. You will come to think that all of the supposed pieces to the friggin' puzzle of some goddamn end-of-all-time event are there. This is not faith. It is delusion of the most dangerous kind.
     I am wondering if this lady smoked or had any alcoholic beverages to drink before having this dream? So, she sees frozen people and hears music and...a beautiful male voice. A beautiful MALE voice? You mean beautiful like Pavarotti or Elton John or Bryan Adams? Also, people have been saying there is no more time since the time of the Transfiguration of Jesus. Even much of what is in the New Testament is indicative of those who contributed to the New Testament thinking that Jesus was right around the corner and THEY were living in the supposed End Times.

     So, Glenda the Good Christian of the North, has a dream during her time of worship that the Wizard of God is due to return and strike America...and America's little dog, too. Make your heart right with God because the nuclear strikes that will rain across America will give you no time to repent. Be very careful that you stay away from idolatry and any sin that takes your heart away from God for any length of time.

     Sooooo...Jesus came to you when you were fourteen and told you to stay pure until further notice? You had to have Jesus tell you something like that in order to follow it? Didn't you just know that such a decision is an overall good thing to do anyways and you sure as hell don't need Jesus to tell you that? Didn't your parents tell you that? What, were you thinking of sleeping around, or something? You make your statement with the tone of one who truly thinks that they are one of the few to do such a thing. You DO know that there are plenty of people in the world who do not sleep around who are not religious, you know this, right?
     It is utterly hilarious how so many religious folk have this stupid idea that they are the only ones in the world with any sense of control over their sexuality. And why are the people in the crowd clapping as if this man's statement that Jesus told him to hold on the sex was such a spectacular statement? Retards.

     Holy shit, this is good stuff! The typical self-absorbed, holier-than-thou Christian who feels compelled to press their absurd beliefs on the world and the people around them. Lovely. The level of self-righteousness of this fellow is just a TAD of an example of why people have issues with the stupidity of religion.

     This guy is an ass. Listen to the questions the girl following him is trying to ask him...questions that he does not answer. Then there is this guy's rude remarks to the people around him. Do you think that Jesus and God would approve of rude comments to people so long as it is in the course of preaching to convert others? This guy apparently thinks so. And why does this deluded preacher keep talking about masturbation? This man is a great example of people behaving poorly and believing they are doing the RIGHT thing since they are talking and preaching about Jesus and God. They can behave however they choose to behave because GOD gives them the authority and the power.

     This is an EXCELLENT example of how pushers of religion take whatever they can, purposely twisting whatever they find into something that is supposedly demonic and dangerous. But these preachers don't stop there. They WANT you to have this gigantic fear inside you so they say that those most often in the path of this danger are...your children. Unfortunately, there are many people are afraid enough to believe this shit. Are you fucking serious? SOMEBODY gave their kid M&Ms and Mountain Dew before the sermon. Aren't Christians superstitious about demon possession, because I would say these kids are GREAT candidates for being demon possessed. You see the kids that were crying? That people would put their kids up to such bullshit is child abuse.

     Well, you know if any clip has Kirk Cameron in it, is bound to be funny, right? God puts tabs on bananas so it doesn't squirt into your face as you peel it? This entire skit has hilarious sexual undertones, especially the part where the banana fits 'perfectly' in his hand and the guy goes on and on how this is some kind of divine providence in the consideration of making things easier for man. Right. God won't stop people from blowing each other up BUT he makes a banana easy to peel. Just like Wilbur the pig in Charlotte's Web was some pig, this here is some God.

     Chuck Norris...well, I have to be honest with you. I was tempted to deduct some of the cool points you have racked up with me over the years but decided not to. I figure that some of the kicks to the head you have no doubt received throughout your career in self-defense arts have knocked out some of your sense. You gotta watch the whole video so you can see the part where the preacher is talking to a guy supposedly possessed by a sex demon...or something similar.

     I hope this guy is receiving some kind of compensation from the military for mental instability. I can't see the military allowing him to join if he had presented with these symptoms when he first signed up, and so I think he has a great case against the military. So, dragging a cross with wheels across the country. I think that Jesus would probably commend him for his creativity in adding the wheels to the cross. Religious genius.

     Okay. This video struck an interesting chord with me being as though when I was a kid and my parents were members of this church that preached virtually everything was from the devil/Satan. My siblings and I were not allowed to watch My Little Pony, Rainbow Bright, Strawberry Shortcake, and a barrage of other cartoons being as though they were considered from the pit of hell. Smurfs were considered particularly bad.

     Every time a Harry Potter book comes out the witches have to HIRE PEOPLE to take the phone calls that come pouring in from kids interested in witchcraft? Buddy, it is high time you STOP drinking the bong water. He says that Harry Potter lies and cheats and breaks all the rules. He says nothing about Harry Potter protecting others, sacrificing himself for others, adhering to a code of honesty and integrity, or anything of the sort. It is a blatant misrepresentation of the character Harry Potter in an effort to advance the ridiculous ideologies of Christianity and its inherent stupidity.

     Listen to this stupid hooker try to defend the hideousness of what was said. Anderson Cooper presses her for an answer until she finally just comes out and says she agrees with what was said. Listen to this deluded bitch try to explain why putting the gays and lesbians behind the electric fences would get rid of such people altogether. Cooper points out that gays and lesbians are born to STRAIGHT parents and this lady reverts to the claim the comments were taken out of context. Bitch, what OTHER way can what was said be taken?
     Then Little Miss Hee-Haw gets pissed when Cooper asks her about the adulterers and people who curse their parents who were put to death in the Bible and whether or not she believes such should apply as well. Right when you think this supposedly God-fearing, loving-Christian woman could not dig herself a bigger hole she gets totally and completely owned by Cooper's comments about the Holocaust. 

     Holy Lord have mercy!! This is great! Contraceptives turn men gay? Contraceptives pollute the heart? WTF? This is so flipping hilarious, if not for the term 'contracepting' which is not even a word. Hah! Excellent! Seriously, it makes you wonder whether or not God and Jesus get together, go and stir up the brains of those who believe in them, and then step away with a happy, "Well, Our work here is done."

     Can StarWars figures be demonic? Pappa Smurf has the face of Stalin and was created to spread Communism? Listen to this windbag says about the 'Force' and being one with it and really really think about this. The asshole says being one with the 'Force' is wicked, evil...yada yada plucka plucka. What does it say in the Bible about being one with God and Jesus, humm? Are they not presented as the 'Force' of everything that is supposed to be life in this universe according to Christianity? Does it not say in the Bible that believers/Children of God must strive to become ONE with God/Jesus? Maybe we should take a little peek.
     Philippians 2:2 says, "...then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and of one mind."
     Ephesians 4:13 says, "...until we all reach unity in the faith and in the knowledge of the Son of God and become mature, attaining to the whole measure of the fullness of Christ."
     Romans 15:6 says, " that with one mind and one voice you may glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ."
     Well. Well well well. Such a wonderful example of the typical institutionalized religious approach of do as I say, not as I do. I think that the 'oneness' presented in the New Testament has been completely and utterly destroyed and nowhere near what it was originally intended to be taken.
     I think that originally 'oneness' was supposed to be about being in harmony with yourself as an individual, being in harmony with your family as a member of that family, being one with your community (to be taken in terms of contributing positively), and being one with the sense of humanity that SHOULD be within each person but that many horrible and hostile people choose to ignore.
     Adding to the insanity of the man speaking in this video is his assertion that Pokemon is based on Japanese demons. Yeah. I know. Pretty fucking stupid. What is even better is when this asshole says that he isn't against everything but only those things that put the souls of children in jeopardy.
     Particularly disturbing is this guy's statement that Harry Potter books should be burned due to their dangerous content that puts people at risk. Hitler and his cronies said the same goddamn thing and held mass book burnings where ANYTHING even remotely contradictory to Hitler and his philosophy was destroyed. I hope people can recognize the stupidity of what this man and many like him are saying, because the world did not make it out of WWII just to go back to that type of behavior. 

     Hahhaaahhha!!!! This lady is apparently so uncomfortable with speaking on sexual issues that she spells out the word 'penis' instead of actually saying it. What the fuck is she talking about in regard to Whitney Houston? She says some of the most fucked-up and random shit I have so far come across on the internet. This bitch needs immediate psychological help.

     This Phelps woman strangely appears androgynous.
     Moving on, did you hear her say something about the Taliban in Iowa? Like many of the mentally inept who claim they are acting on the word of God or by the direct instruction of God this psychotic bitch truly believes her behavior is validated by God and the Bible. Sounds amazingly similar to how the religious extremists of the day strap bombs to their bodies and fly planes into buildings while claiming the one whom they worship instructed them to do so, even giving them full authority to follow through with such atrocities.
     This Phelps woman and all those in her group who think this behavior is okay are in the same boat as terrorists. The degree of their terrorism does vary, but they are still terrorists.

     Holy shit! This has to be in my own top ten most entertaining Christian rants on Youtube today. What...the...fuck? This lady says she is a warrior of God and is taking a stand on 'other-sided' behavior and practices. She is so seriously fucked in the head that words cannot express the critical nature of her psychological condition. 

     You know, maybe the spiritually deluded of the world are needed, right? I mean, they say laughter is the best medicine and you can't help but to laugh at these people and the sheer stupidity of the words that fall from their lips.
     About 4:20 into the video Governor Perry says something along the lines of people in America today needing God's help. God's help? Every time people ask God for His help, and every time God is claimed to have actually given the requested help bad things happen. Every time. Every...fucking...time. Ask God for His help? Fuck that and hell no.

     Only in the Catholic realm will you find people staring at a knot in a tree and claiming to see the Virgin Mary. Sometimes people want to see the miracle so badly that they convince themselves that they 'feel' something emanating from whatever is deemed to be a miracle, as evidenced in the beginning of the video.Then you have the lady who says she doesn't think it is a miracle or anything because let's face it, there is nothing like blood coming from it. What happened to the good old days when a knot in a tree was just a knot in a tree?

     This stupid bitch, this stupid mother fucking bitch is smiling and laughing and thanking God because the people in Japan were struck by a lethal tsunami. Listen here you dumb twat, listen to what you are saying. You are trying to convert people to your deluded faith by praying that this God of yours hurt those who believe differently than you. Fuck you. Fuck your Bible. Fuck your God.
     People like you are the ones that our government has in mind when considering to take away the right to bear arms. You and people like you WANT people to hurt, WANT people maimed, WANT war and mayhem, and WANT people killed if you think it will help sew the seeds of your poisonous faith. You are NO DIFFERENT from the extremists in the Middle East that celebrate and shout praises to Allah whenever something bad happens to the United States or its citizens. Fuck you and the religious horse you rode in on.

     So many Christians who are against gays and lesbians conjure up strange diseases and maladies and behaviors that are supposedly suffered almost exclusively by...gays and lesbians. And of course there are more claims of Harry Potter being evil and detrimental to children. One of the more intriguing portions of this video is when Bush says that the God (Allah) that the terrorists pray to is a false God because they take innocent lives. And Christianity does NOT? What about the children shown in this video as they cry and sway and hold their hands up to be closer to God? What effect is this stupidity having on their minds?

     What in the hell is wrong with you people? And so many Christians wonder why there are so many people who are so aggravated by religion? For Christ's sake you stupid assholes are teaching your children about segregation and stereotypes and rejection of those different than you! What the fuck do you think is gonna happen when you do shit like that? And the Christian message is supposed to be one of love?

     The guy in the beginning of this video drones on about how you can tell what kind of music a person listens to just by looking at their clothing. Interesting. Likewise, you can tell who is a prejudiced, socially subversive, spiritually elitist, cocky, holier-than-thou asshole just by knowing what God they worship.

     Holy shit this is so freaking funny! Moses fought the ROMANS? Moses used his powers against the ROMANS? Looks like SOMEBODY did not pay very close attention to the place in time of the ancient Romans in history as opposed to when Moses is thought to have existed. This guy goes on to give a completely incorrect definition of witchcraft. He says witchcraft misleads people into believing that they have powers and can do things like raise the dead. Two things here: firstly, you are confused about what witches do, buddy. Secondly, you ARE aware that Jesus raised people from the dead, right? And you say that witchcraft is all smoke and mirrors. Okay. Do you mean like smoke and mirrors of Christianity? Can you offer one shred, one tidbit of definitive proof that your Bible and your faith is any more real than witchcraft?

     So Ms. Thang here decides that her career hasn't slowed down enough and she takes immediate measures to absolutely murder what is left of her celebrity and career. 

     Another rant by a Christian who believes Harry Potter is evil and a danger to children. Warlocks are enemies of God.  The lady adds that had Harry Potter occurred in the Old Testament he would have been put to death. Disturbing. So goddamn disturbing. Even more disturbing are the 'amens' that can be heard in response to this ignorant ass' statements. Look at the expressions on the faces of the children this lady is talking to. This is not how anyone should be speaking to children, filling them with fear for things and people that do not exist. This is not in any way, shape, or form helpful to children. Not at all.

     Haahaa!! HHahaa! Listen to this moron's comment, "He reads the Quran!" So? As if reading the Bible or any set of scriptures from a violent religion would be any better. Then this intellectually challenged woman says that Obama's father was a Muslim-Atheist-Communist. 

     This is wonderful. Seriously! This lady is talking about the behavior of Christians and then begins to go absolutely ape-shit. Then she threatens to call the police, yells at the guy talking to her when he informs her she is about to get kicked out of the store, offers a few disjointed statements that have no meaning in particular, and invokes the power of Jesus as she says something about people from Mexico bothering her. I find it so interesting that when some Christians are preaching and are approached and asked to stop they go nuts, seemingly having great difficulty in comprehending that people just don't want to hear their shit.

     This man does not realize his argument is only halfway correct. Atheism COULD be considered a religion IF and ONLY IF presented in a manner similar to Christianity where you go out and convert people to atheism and try to enact rules and statutes and policies on atheism. However, this man incorrectly applies that here as President Obama is NOT endorsing atheism but rather is making a point that political endeavors should have nothing to do with religion whatsoever. He is NOT saying that religion should not be in politics because he does not believe in God or because he thinks Christianity is false or against his own spiritual opinions. Nope. The president is merely acting on the ideology of separation of church and state. The asshole here apparently has his head so far up Jesus' ass that he cannot see and understand what Obama means.

     Totally AWESOME!! This asshole punks himself by bringing the wrong goddamn notes. He fails to see that refusing gays and lesbians the right to marry is NOT his right. He further misunderstands and misinterprets allowing gays and lesbians the right to marry as a revocation of his own rights. His definition of marriage is a religious definition and has no place in politics. His religious faith, no matter how deep and true he thinks it is does NOT now nor should it ever allow him the jurisdiction to define private relationships.

     Pastor Sean Harris from North Carolina advocates child abuse if parents suspect their sons are gay. Only in North Carolina. Tell you what, when there is a parent in your congregation who does as you recommend and ends up in jail...I HOPE they put your pansy ass there, too for even suggesting such a terrible thing in the first place.

     Oh look, another mother fucker from North Carolina advocating violence against the people they hate.

     What the fuck is wrong with people? Why do the religious think that morality can be found in religion? There is no morality in ideologies that teach subjugation and segregation and maltreatment of individuals who think and live and love differently.

     The government should kill gays and lesbians? Again, this is another example of why the government has listed evangelical and extremist Christians as a danger. Are all Christians dangerous? Of course not. But, unless the Christians who are NOT dangerous stand up and tell the dangerous Christians to shut up and stop fucking things up for everyone there are going to be problems with the rights of all citizens being stunted by the ravings of fundamentalists who think they are right and everyone else is wrong.

     How sweet. Another Christian who misinterprets the push for equality as a reduction in their rights and religious freedoms. So goddamn stupid. The push for equality is not saying you cannot be Christian, but it IS saying that as a Christian you are NOT entitled to treat people who believe differently than you do in a manner that is unethical, unlawful, and absolutely wrong.
     Oh, but the uber-religious right would have its supports believe that reinstating rights to individuals who never should have had the rights denied them in the first place is a revocation of the rights of Christians.

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